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| "Me, I'm dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you need to watch out for, because you never know when they're going to do something incredibly stupid."
-Jack Sparrow
Tomorrow... I'll finish this and write about...
the whole truth
and my secrets.
goodnight. | | |
| If you've been paying attention, you know that this time of the year (that is, the end) is... interesting. In general, I'd always been nervous about starting a new year because I'd been worried about the future. This year, that is not the case.
I suppose the worst is over. I've been through all the changes I had been worrying about. Scared to lose Ben? Too late. Don't want to leave high school? Done. Nervous to start college? No big.
So instead of being all gushy and reminiscent of the past year, going through each month and describing in detail what happened, I'm just going to pick a word or two to go with each month. Sound good? Good.
Reluctance. Nostalgia. Growing. Judgment. Saying goodbye. Being broken. Healing. Longing. Loving. Experiencing. Laughing. Dreaming.
Welcome, 2011, when you get here. You are greatly anticipated.
Ecuador/Galapagos. Home. NINETEEN! Work. Finishing Freshman year, boyfriend's graduation. Romance in Europe <3. Hawaii. Being a sophomore. Blah. Blah. Blah.
I CAN'T WAIT! | | |
| I gave in. I told myself it'd be really cool if I could go my whole life without seeing Avatar. And I blew it.
Last night at around 2 in the afternoon, my throat started to feel a tadbit scratchy. I figured it was just the rain/cold weather, and ignored it. By dinner, I was nearly dying. And when I got back home, I thought I was dead. I shivered my way around the house to find blankets, and went to sleep at an oh-so-late 9:45. Woke up just about every hour, for various reasons. Ended up praying myself into a near-coma around 12, and woke up again all night. Usually thinking I was dead.
Got up at 8:30ish, and had a slight fever. Bad enough to stay home all day =/ So I missed fancy lunch with my family. They left at 11am. I watched an episode of Bones, then the next thing I remember is waking up because the mailman was outside. At 2:30 in the afternoon. The next thing I remember after that was waking up to my parents getting home at 4:30.
And then I sat around and watched movies, ate some food, realized that, SOMEHOW, I like the eggs better at school than here at home, and watched more movies... including Avatar.
Aside from the fact that the plot was a thousand percent STOLEN from Pocahontas, I really liked it. Blue people are hot. Blue SEX is hot. And that's all I have to say about that. Have you seen Watchmen? Enough said.
So anyway.
How is it that the slightest difference in two things can mean the world? Like how people will pay dollars more for Oreos rather than the store brand? I do it.
Let's just say... I'm the store brand. Because I'm bored of writing this. I'd rather watch The Swan Princess <3 | | |
| I could spend an hour telling you why tonight has sucked, and how I'm realizing how screwed up I've been.
Or I could just go get a therapist, like I used to. Like I probably should. | | |
| "Taking my sin, my cross, my shame, rising again, I bless Your name, You are my all in all...
When I am down, You lift me up, when I am dry, You fill my cup. You are my all in all."
That was one of my favorite worship songs in junior high... And it still applies. I mean... anyone who knows me knows that I've had a lot of issues in the past year, more specifically the last few months, and it's meant everything to have God there. I've sought Him out at the strangest of times. But He's always been there. College has been a trying time, and now that I'm done with the first semester, I KNOW I'm going to be okay. My faith has been tried and tested, and I think I've passed.
Leading me to my next idea of "All in All..."
My 2nd and 4th grade teacher's favorite concluding transition was "all in all." I'll never forget that, because now I try to work it into almost every paper I write. Random, but I was thinking about it.
Keep in mind that when I say, "hate" in the rest of this post, what I mean is, "disapprove of." Got it?
ALL IN ALL! my conclusion is that most people I know and interact with either hate me, or try to live vicariously through me.
Let that simmer for a while, I'm going to bed. | | |
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